Navigating Between Lust and Innocence in Relationships

Question: So, how do you know the difference between going through with lust or just something innocent? Like if you’re checking someone out and you decide to pursue them, how do you know it’s not a sexual thing but something just fine?

Answer: 

We received a question about understanding the difference between acting out of lust or innocence in relationships. Essentially, it’s about discerning whether our attraction to someone stems from pure motives or sinful desires. It’s an important question that prompts us to examine our hearts and intentions, especially considering the Bible’s call to live in purity and holiness. Let’s dive into this topic and explore how we can ensure our actions align with God’s standards.

“Lust” is often defined as an overwhelming desire or craving, particularly in the context of sexual desires. It’s something that can consume our hearts and minds, leading to sinful actions. This intense craving is not the direction the Lord has called us to follow.

Lust focuses on pleasing oneself. It’s a very selfish thing. It often leads to actions without regard for consequences, and it’s just about fulfilling one’s desires and needs. So, looking at what the Bible says about it, I think lust, in a lot of ways, has something to do with possession, greed, and really unchecked desires of the heart. And we know that’s not from the Lord.

How do we guard ourselves against this overwhelming desire or craving in our hearts? I’m thinking about this because it can be challenging to navigate. God has given us desires in our humanity, right? He’s given us desires of food and water, comfort and shelter, and then even sexual desires. 

These are things that have been created by the Lord for us, but we’re told that we should give no provision to our flesh. Those are the things that should not control us, and they are not our main motivations in life. 

As believers, how do we walk in the spirit? By allowing the spirit to control the desires of our flesh and using those things in an honoring way to the Lord. And so, how do we know the difference? As this question asks, how do we know if it’s sinful lust or innocent?

Consider the story from Genesis 13, where Lot and his uncle Abram part ways, choosing land for themselves. Lot’s actions in this story illustrate a pursuit driven by selfish desires, which aligns with the definition of lust we discussed earlier. There’s a lesson for us to learn from Lot’s example.

In Genesis 13:10-12 NLT, it says: 

“Lot took a long look at the fertile plains of the Jordan Valley in the direction of Zoar. The whole area was well watered everywhere, like the garden of the Lord or the beautiful land of Egypt. (This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.) Lot chose for himself the whole Jordan Valley to the east of them. He went there with his flocks and servants and parted company with his uncle Abram. So Abram settled in the land of Canaan, and Lot moved his tents to a place near Sodom and settled among the cities of the plain.”

There are a couple of keywords about what Lot was doing here. Number one, “He lifted his eyes, and he saw.” 

So, he saw something that he liked, and then he started to pursue it. It says that he chose for himself what he saw. It shows for himself what he liked, and he went all in after that. And so, I think that that’s where lust starts. 

In the context of this question, if you see someone that you’re attracted to and you respond like Lot where you’re just looking, you’re lifting your eyes, you’re choosing for yourself, you’re pursuing something for yourself, I think that that would be lust and that would not be an innocent motive, right? 

And then, Lot’s deliberate choice to go to that spot, to sit in that spot—he says he’d dwell there—and he pitched his tent. Everything he was choosing was going in that direction for what he liked and wanted for himself. He was not considering Abram, his uncle, at all, but it was all about what Lot wanted, what felt good. I think this is a great picture of what lust is.

Again, putting that back into the context of your question and the things that you might be walking through, specifically in just being attracted to the opposite sex or someone else, it’s this idea of, “Is it lust?” 

Think through that in your own heart: “Is this just something that I look at, that I like, and that I want, and think you’re just self-absorbed?” That would definitely be a sinful action. Jesus has called us to put others above ourselves, so we want to do so.

So, if you find yourself pursuing a relationship solely because it satisfies your own desires or feels good for yourself, it’s important to recognize that this self-centered approach mirrors Lot’s actions in Genesis 13. Instead, strive to prioritize the other person’s well-being and honor the Lord in your choices. Avoid following in Lot’s footsteps by making decisions that solely benefit you, and instead, seek to honor the Lord in all your relationships.

In 1 John 2:15-17 NIV, it’s highlighted that the lust of the eyes and the pride of life are tools the enemy uses to lead us astray. 

“Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.”

We must be cautious about what we focus on and pursue, as these can lead to spiritual decay and death. I hope this sheds some light on your question.

source https://calvaryyouth.org/biblical-answers/navigating-between-lust-and-innocence-in-relationships/